Thursday, January 12, 2012

Strange Happenings In The City

So this will be the highlights of my last 2 days. I'll begin with yesterday, when I decided to walk my dog through Forest Park during the day. This winter's been really warm, so it allows for adventurous souls to explore. I did explore, and what I found cannot be made up. Seriously.

Feeling a little "wild", I decided to walk the trails of Forest park
This crudely drawn map doesn't help the reader in any way besides showing the large scale of the park.  Anyways, while walking the trails I noticed something blue. Oh cool, a durex condom wrapper. You see all sorts of wrappers in the park; blunts, condoms, gum. Yet as I continued down the trail, the frequency in which I saw the first two aforementioned wrappers increased. Soon I found myself in what can only be described as a treasure trove of used condoms in the middle of the woods. Thereupon I found a small stick hut chock full of condoms, empty bottles, baggies that probably once contained something illegal. Not wanting to step in more AIDs than I already had, I hurried away from that little ghetto fuck-hut/love shack/drug den. Continuing down the narrow trail, I see a figure sitting on a stump. As I walk closer, I see it's a black dude smiling at me and my dog. In the middle of the woods. I walk up to the dude and say "what's up my nigga?" simply because the guy was smiling at me as though I was a fucking cheeseburger or something. He gives me a fist bump, and says something like "neeeeeh". I can't really transcribe the gutteral noise he made, but it caught me off-guard. That is, until I saw what was in his hand. Here's a picture.
And a newspaper. Oh, okay, he probably just went shopping and was reading a newspaper in quiet in the woods. He had two of those refill cans out of the package because he simply wanted to sample the smell. Right... dude was fucking huffing in the middle of the woods. I bid him adieu and he replied with more gutteral airwick noises. Between the fuck-hut and the huffer, I must say Forest park is a great place to bring the kids. 

Anyways, today I decided to go to Manhattan and walk around. Maybe walk to the Met because I'm a cheap bastard. Unfortunately, google maps took me nowhere near the Met, so I ended up just walking up and down Broadway. It was a pretty good time, I found that the street-advertisers, homeless people,  cops and basically everyone will ignore you if you have headphones in. I listened to all of my newly-procured RJD2 albums and walked the streets in peace. On the way back, I got off of the Subway and walked the wrong way. I had to re-enter the E and F station at a stop I had already passed on the way to my intended stop. So my tourist-esque mistake cost me another $2.25 and a good chunk of my dignity. 


  1. I don't get this, if you want to have sex outside, why not have sex in the grass? Why go to a hut. Why do drugs in a hut? Why not do them outside since you aren't in the safety of your own home anyways. People are crazy. I'm going to check out RJD2.

  2. That park seems to be a bit vile.

  3. haha i love having nature exploring adventures in not so wilderness-ey areas its still fun
    following +1